When We Find Ourselves Shtepping Into It

Shaking my head, I realized that I had just shtepped into it. Yeah, I knew the risks, but precautions had been taken. I knew the warning signs, I was diligent in keeping my eyes open, and I walked carefully. Despite my best efforts, that fateful shtep occurred.

A by-product of that joy in life we call pets, is the perpetual flow of…by-products. With a 70 pound golden retriever and a 10 pound grand-dog who frequently visits, we get a fair amount of puppy waste dropped onto our yard. Actually, it is an unfair amount. But we’ll save that pile to fertilize a future post.

I work hard to be diligent in cleaning it up. Pooper scoopers, baggies, and grandchild scouters, are all helpful resources for allowing safe passage across this potential no-man’s land. Despite such assiduous efforts, things get missed and someone, usually me, finds the secret pile in a sherendipitous shtep in just the right location. For me, this lottery-ticket-level statistical anomaly across a half acre is managed with oracular consistency and precision. Somehow, I manage to accidentally find the pile that couldn’t be found intentionally. Thus, the casual step, becomes the maddening shtep, and hell follows with it.

For those of us prone to shtepping into it, there are some considerations in the moments to follow such fan hitting experiences. Allow me to shed some light on them:

• Consider your initial reaction carefully. For me, anger and expletives tend to be my first instinct but I’ve found them to be highly ineffective for alleviating the consequences of the pile now attached to my shoe. Yelling at the dog also does little to correct the current situation or prevent future occurrences. The slightest self-reflection reveals the ultimate blame resting solidly on my own person and I quickly realize that the more vibrant my emotional reaction, the more entertaining it is for any who might be witnessing the shtepping incident. One caveat for consideration: giving others the opportunity to laugh at your misfortune can be an excellent diffuser of shtepping tensions though you may find it hard to find solace in the initial mirth of the situation.
• Many may find the new-found pile to be so offensive as to want to immediately cast-off tainted footwear or garments. Stay that impulse. Trying to deny the shtepping by removing contaminants too quickly can result in a repeat shtepping and make matters worse. Face your reality. You shtepped into it, that pile is going to stick, and you need to own the mistake.
• Carefully review your options. How deeply are you into the danger zone? Can you back out safely? Do you need to push through? Are you alone? Sometimes shtepping can be riskier when others are with you. Do nothing that might lead them to shtepping into the same mess you did, or to fall into their own pile. If you were led into the pile by your dog, you’ll have to play it out by allowing Shep to finish his business. Retreating at this point could have other consequences.
• Another instinct might be to stop and try to scrape the poo off your boot. Depending on your position, this can be a risky strategy. Do you have the right tools for such an extraction? Do you have room to move? Often, the piles we step into are too fresh in the moment to cleanly remove. Trying to scrape our shoe on the grass might push the soft matter further into our treads, making it tougher to remove later. Sometimes, we need to give it some time to dry so it is easier to knock-off later.
• If you’ve shtepped into a really big pile, you may need to call for help. Don’t be too proud to admit you’ve over-shtepped your ability to extricate yourself, or your favorite pair of house slippers. Enlisting the aid of a fellow shtepper (we’ve all been there) can be a great way to diffuse your mistake and spread the risk.
• Occasionally, the shtepping is so devastating that there is no recovering that pair of boots. This is a great risk when one of your puppies has been ill. Compound shtepping can occur when something else has been going on that creates a big mess when the final shtep comes. When the risk of a compound incident is high, greater precautions must be taken to avoid a shtep of devastation. Here, one might consider carrying a flashlight or wearing a particularly shtep-resistant pair of boots – something easy to hose off.

I wonder, do you have any shtep-preventing or mitigating advice? What is your favorite move when you’ve shtepped into it?

As time goes on, I’ve begun to realize that shlaughter is probably the best shmedicine. There is really no avoiding the misshteps of life. Shtuff happens and we are prone to shtepping into if from time to time.

That’s it for now. Excuse me while I go clean off my house slippers.